There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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