Having a random hookup so left but love u
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
