i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
