I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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