I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
