Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
