and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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