So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
