Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
