Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
