So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
