1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
