Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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