I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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