Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i would punch a child for taco bell
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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