that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
