Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
