my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
