I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
