Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
