I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
