This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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