my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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