Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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