Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize