totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
