dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
