And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
