i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
