Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize