Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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