Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize