I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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