I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I woke up under a house in Key West
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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