lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
