shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize