my sisters under your porch take her home
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
