My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
