I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
