Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize