how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
