I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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