I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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