You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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