dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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