Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
