Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
