I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize