Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
