I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
