Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
