she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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