We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
