I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
