i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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