How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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