dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
