is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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