I just cut my nipple shaving
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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