ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I will die if light touches me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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