i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
