At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
