Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
