She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
