i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
