My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
