if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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