Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
