you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
