We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
