my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
