So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
