i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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